The Modern Man: Redemption

Sometimes something happens that is so life altering, so mind bending, so amazingly earth shattering you're never the same again.

That, of course, didn't happen to me. After a summer tornado and a near drowning, quite honestly, anything else is mundane.

However, I was at a teacher conference in Denver and I re-discovered a few things. But first, I need to bring up something that is happening more and more that I can't seem to come up with a word for.

Now, if you are an adult with children, you know that talking to fellow adults in an adult situation (not a Cinemax or pay per view adult situation, but one lacking kids) come along rarely. So there I am, walking down the sidewalk, heading to a conference presentation with two women I work with. The day is warm, the sun is out, and we're chatting away, and as I am a 40 something gentleman, I'm feeling pretty good about life.

However, then something happened: Both the young ladies I was chatting with cell phones rang.

Now I'm sure that there are strong forces in the universe. Forces that can level buildings, destroy planets, carve gorges, and allow people to watch Fox News. However, I believe that the power of the cell phone call must be stronger than any of that.

For of course, they immediately stopped talking without stopping walking, flipped their phones open, and then proceeded to talk for 5 minutes. So now I'm walking between two women who are talking to two other people while I'm walking between them, now silent and uncomfortable, waiting for one of them to get off the phone. Do I stop walking? Do I start skipping? Do I pull out my phone and pretend to talk to someone really important?

Seriously, I'm at a loss here.

And of course, now the conversation changes completely when the fiasco is over. The two women now talk about their talking on the phone, as if this is an actual conversation piece.

There has to be a term for stopping a conversation with the person you're talking to and then ignoring them to talk to someone far, far away. I see it too much in restaurants, cars (I've seen entire families on their phones, talking to other people while IN THE CAR). What should the term be? Phone phleesed? Cell slapped? Fone Fragged?  The other idea is Phone with another word starting with F and ending in "ed", but that sounds like you're dialing a 900 number.

I'm going with phone fragged right now when in public or at work, as I don't want to lose my job.  Please.  Post something else if you have a better idea.

But what about this redemption?

Ah, yes.  I learned I'm still human.

As a father and teacher you are considered closer to a cyborg than a human being.  This feeling has been going on for years, occasionally broken up by a date movie night or 2 a years.

I stayed out until 3 AM TWO NIGHTS IN  A ROW.  

I took a cab.

I danced, danced, danced!

I did attend classes. (for those at work reading this)

There may have been drinking.

A 23 year old woman may have drank out of the hotel's decorative fountain, which was redeeming in itself.

I discovered the 16th Street Mall on Halloween is a freak show I'd put up against any other city in the country.

I learned that two piano players singing "Old McDonald Had a Farm, Special Education Edition" is funny no matter what time of the evening it is.  Especially if you're a special education teacher.  If I could only sing the "Tourettes Chicken" part, you'd be laughing, too. (Bwaaack, bwaaack, @#$##ing, @#$@#, @#$#$!!! here)

So there you go.  I am still a normal human being.  OK.  A human being.

I've been redeemed.  

You didn't hear a word of this did you?  You've been talking on the @#$#ing cell phone again.