Are you a Modern Man?

Are you a modern man? Part I

Let's face it. Modern men are idiots, and that's okay. We're comfortable with this fact, although most of us try to hide it. We don't consider what we do idiotic anyway. We're just adopting, adapting, and improving. The real idiots are those whose names will be forever associated with the Darwin Awards. However, as a true modern man, we feel sympathy for some of these groundbreaking individuals and can honestly say that the lawnchair and the weather balloons was a pretty cool idea.

But for the rest of us here's a little "Modern Man Quiz." If you can answer yes to more than half of these questions, you are a true modern man. I must admit, I've done some of these things myself. I know that you're surprised. How could a person with my affable personality and razor sharp wit be involved in the idiotic things below?

I have to be honest, to my readers, I've done most of these things, but not all of them. When I say most, I mean I haven't done one or two of these things, but that doesn't mean that I'm giving up. Chances are, I'll knock all these things off my list before I'm dead. Possibly, one of these things could be the actual cause of my death.

Hey, you've got to go sometime.

QUIZ:

Have you ever told you significant other that you were almost killed by an idiot on a cell phone as you were driving? Have you told this while it was happening as you talked on your cell phone?

Have you ever glued something together, and while holding it until the glue sets, realized you glued your fingers to the object?

Have you ever gotten completely changed in the car while driving? In the car while driving and talking on a cell phone?

Have you ever not changed clothes before painting because you figure you'll be careful this time?
Have you ever leaned forward to paint a hard to reach place and suddenly noticed your hair is now stuck to the wall and is a lovely shade of yellow?

Have you ever driven home from work, pulled into the driveway, and seriously wondered if you ran every light on the way home because you don'’t remember any of your trip?

Have you ever parked your car in the middle of a parking lot, far from everyone else to safely change your clothes? Then have you had both your legs stuck in the same hole in your underwear as a car full of senior citizens decides that parking next to you would be a really good idea?

Have you ever tried to drive a car with your legs stuck in your underwear? Is your car a stick? Mine is.

Have you ever multi-tasked at work, and enjoyed the rewards of a job well done?
Have you ever tried to combine food, beer, hot tubs, and hot lovin' into one enjoyable experience? Have you ever been more disappointed in your life? (Have you ever had to get food out of a hot tub filter in the dark?)

Have you ever ordered more than one beer served in a container larger than your head? Have you ever complained to your significant other that you don't understand why you have a hangover since you only drank three beers?

Have you ever started a grill with something flammable, other than lighter fluid? Have you ever suddenly realized that gasoline doesn'’t really add to the flavor of grilled meat products?

Have you ever tested a Tazer, just to see if it works?

Have you ever used a steak knife to:
1) Cut rope?
2) Cut drywall?
3) Unscrew an electrical outlet?
4) Free an ingrown facial hair?
5) Splice electrical wire?
6) Pull stuck toast out of a plugged in toaster?
Have you ever just put that knife back in the dishwasher and hope for the best?
(This could be its own post: Uses for Steak Knives other than cutting steak)

Have you ever worked on your electric wiring and find out the hard way you didn't turn off the right breaker?
Have you ever done that twice in one day?

Have you ever been the lingerie holder at a Victoria's Secret fashion show?
Of course not, but that wouldn't be a bad way to go, would it?

These are just a few examples of the things we do as modern men. If you have more examples of the brilliance of a modern man, please post something.