Getting Hit by 40, part II

So my 40th birthday is long gone. I've gone mano y mano with Death, wrestled with the meaning of life (which appears to have something to do with a food product call 'bran'), and drank too much beer for a person of my age (3), and against my better judgement, had a good time.

During this partying like it was 1999, I decided to to a little introspection. You know, see where I've come from so I can figure out where I'm going to. Therefore, I've compiled things that have changed since I was 20. Maybe you've noticed some of the same things in yourself. I certainly hope not.

The 20’s	The 40’s
Can run over 100 miles per week.	Can run to the bathroom 12 times a night due to inadvertently seeing a glass of water after 7 PM.
Can party and stay up to 4:00 AM, sleep until noon, and then repeat the same behavior on Saturday night. Barely hung over. Generally high on life.	Go to 4 year olds’ birthday parties. Repeat the next weekend. Hung over on too much sugar, caffeine, and jumping in that bouncy castle everyone gets for their kids' party. Generally high on frosting and Starbucks.
Women think I'm a wild and crazy guy. They're all over me like a duck on a junebug.	Wife thinks I'm crazy. Reminds me women never were all over me, except for help with their homework.
Official "Wine tasting" during waiting job becomes a wine tasting contest. This leads to a major life lesson: never mix wine and margaritas, unless of course you want to have a fabulous time.	Wine tasting leads to being in bed and out cold by 8:00 PM. Dream of margaritas. Run to the bathroom 12 times after touching a glass of water accidentally at 7 PM.
When playing basketball, can dunk at will.	Realize last statement was after a wine drinking contest. Still can’t dunk.
Groggy when waking up before 8 AM. Hit snooze, sleep until 10.	Woken by 4 year old at 6:30 AM. No snooze. Dear Lord, where is the snooze!?
Eat pizza unburdened by any consequences.	Look at pizza, gain 3 pounds.
Enjoy arguing about the beauty of the music of YES, the genius of Seinfeld and the Simpson's, the greatness of Terry Gilliam, tell lengthy self-depreciating stories, and brew my own beer.	Err. Exactly the same thing!
Cheer for the Lions, the worst team in the NFL.	Exactly the same thing again! Only they're worse now!
Didn't know how to blog.	Still don't know how to blog.

Hey! As you see, things haven't changed all that much! So I'm going to hit this 40's thing positively. My back may have issues, my knees may be shot, I may have high cholesterol, and have to swim to keep fit. Wait, I forgot where I was going with that.

Oh, yeah. I'm still breathing! (except when swimming)

So, I will leave you with a self-depreciating top ten list to start of the year in good standing!

Top Ten Signs you may be turning 40

10. You can’t believe you just said, “That’s a good looking minivan,” in a conversation with a neighbor.

9. You can’t pull the grey hairs without leaving bald patches the size of small islands.

8. Hemorrhoids so large, they being tracked by NASA.

7. Your biggest Saturday fashion question: Pants or no pants?

6. Romantic dinners now confined to Chucky Cheese.

5. There is no way to say, “Fo’ shizzle, that IPOD is hella tight,” without sounding like the whitest, oldest man on the planet.

4. Hobbies include resting AND sleeping.

3. Spend all your free time looking for your car keys!

2. You’re swallowing more medication than beer weekly.

1. Your back goes out more times than you do every month