Hot Talk and the Modern Man

The biggest fashion in teaching now is for curriculum makers and textbook writers (these people must be a fun lot, but that's for another post) to write a script that you, the teacher, are supposed to read from and not deviate in any way if you want to 'maximize teachability.' (Or some other made-up word your principal fell for after his three margarita lunch at a conference.) This prevents the teacher from actually getting involved in any discussions that may lead to controversy, such discussions on science, reading, or history.

However, these scripts assume your students will answer the questions like the writer of the script intended and also assume that they'll actually care about what you're supposed to be teaching them.

So for instance, if the script says to ask, "How does this make you feel?" and one kid blurts out "horny" when the book provided answer was supposed to be "Sad and lonely", it can really throw the class for a loop. A less talented teacher might decide it was time to do an easier, less stressful job, like say, being an air traffic controller.

This is from an actual script in an anti-bullying class I have to teach. (Remember, you're not allowed to bully in school, but you are expected and praised if you do as an an adult, as in here, here, or here.) The bold is what the teacher is supposed to say. Remember, not to deviate, or you could lose your job.

-What was Janelle's "hot talk". (Book Answer: I can't believe it! She stole my jacket!)

KID'S ANSWER: Isn't that something on those 900 number advertisements on television?

Of course yelling at the student could get you arrested, giving them detention will bring the wrath of the parents, and notifiying the principal means you don't have good classroom management, so being a good teacher, you press on. . .

TITLE: The Fire Within (Now as a teacher, you're not supposed to laugh at these things, even if it sounds like a made for Cinemax movie.)
Think of seeing the jacket as a match that lights a fire. The fire is fueled and burns hotter when Janelle "hot talks" to herself (KID: I thought you were supposed to talk hot to your girlfriend). You ignore and continue . . .As the fire burns, Janelle has bodily sensations . . . (class is now laughing uncontrollably and you, being the professional you are and against all odds, skip the rest of the lesson and head to the nearest bar. You can't even get to the part about her anger being misguided, since her friend had bought the same exact jacket.))

No, actually you finish the rest of the lesson bravely and professionally, only to find the term HOT TALK is being used comically in the hallway for the rest of the week.

Fires burning? Hot talk? Bodily Sensations? Just what our hyper-hormonal students need! Luckily, I'm a mature adult, and can't be affected by such talk. Now excuse me, I have to see if my phone allows 900 calls.

(DISCLAIMER: The script was real, the answers expected, real, the kids' answers were hypothetical and so was the principal (who is a mix of the many I've had), just in case mine is reading this as we speak.)